My general plan with these blogs is to neglect them for long enough until something interesting happens in our life that’s worth writing about. This tends to be a challenge in a world that’s half asleep, limping through the pain of the pandemic. The revolving doors of border closures and restriction changes in the face of the unrelenting delta variant have been a minefield to navigate. Despite this, certain events have recently transpired which are worth the unregular written update. Events which have lead me to be writing this blog on day 9 of a 14 day quarantine in my parents house. Yes, ladies and gentlemen your eyes do not deceive you. We are in Perth. Like the Rebels fleeing Hoth we have broken through the Imperial blockade and the the sweet view of open space is upon us.
The current lockdown in Victoria is very reminiscent of 2020, both in quality and quantity. Restrictions are at their harshest and the end date seems to keep slipping further and further away. More so, this year the government has really upped their game in identifying exposure sites. This makes the virus feel much closer to home. Mainly due to increased awareness that it literally is close to home. So close that Ash and I were stung by the Department of Health for being at a Tier 2 COVID site when we stopped in at our local Woolies for ice cream one night. The requirements being that we isolate in our house until returning a negative test. All in all not the worst thing to occur but a wonderful layer to weave into this COVID littered story. Although this brush with infection did become a pickle when the Tasmanian government wouldn’t let me enter their state for footy finals. After the long and arduous season, stuck in hotels, doing quarantines, getting tested every week, I’ve fallen at the last hurdle. It’s a fitting end to another year we will be happy to put behind us.
However, not travelling with the team means I maintained some logistical flexibility. After receiving some unfortunate family news, Ash and I began investigating how we might be able to hop the border to Perth. Like McGowan’s version of Helms Deep WA is a near impregnable fortress. With the case numbers climbing in Victoria we knew time was dwindling before extra restrictions were put in place. Our days filled with conversations and phone calls on how best to navigate the strict application process. It turns out our sources were nothing but useless because our application was flat out rejected. So we dipped it in mayo and added some herbs and spices to see if it would pass the WAPOL taste test.
Obviously we we’re eventually successful. However the full story of our travel is a lengthy one involving tears, cancelled flights and some words I yelled at our dog of which I am ashamed. The story is more suited to a medium in which free flowing conversation is possible. Like a podcast or talk-back radio. Perhaps face to face discussion however it’s been so long since I’ve heard it I can’t remember how it exactly works. Either way, if I ever felt we hadn’t enjoyed the full experience this pandemic could bring, a two week stint in quarantine was about the only thing missing.
After nine days in home quarantine, I see the world through a warped lens of the space-time continuum. It’s like a dead boring version of some Christopher Nolan movie. Every object in our small corner of the house is now interacted with in terms of “minutes”. In the same way a a car salesmen can’t help but see dollar signs on every vehicle in the yard. A glass of water could be 16 minutes killed right there if I really savour every mouthful. My toothbrush has a 2 minute timer on it but that doesn’t mean you can’t brush three times in a row does it? Making lunch could be a 45 minute exercise if you need to construct the worlds most perfect sandwhich. Most importantly, a poo is an excellent reliever of both time and waste. Although if you forget your phone it’s only 2 minutes so be careful to think ahead.
A final tip to home quarantine is to prepare your coffee situation beforehand. I’ve handled the lack of caffeination ok however my wife is another story. She drifts between periods of glazed eyes with slowed motor function and a vengeful state of mind that can only be identified as unquenchable rage. She’s a beautiful person and I can’t imagine doing this with anyone else (serious though).
Aside from contracting the infamous virus I think we’ve really wrung the rag on this whole pandemic thing. I initially hoped the COVID news wouldn’t seep into this pure blog which I’ve protected with airline grade filtration systems but alas I think it’s becoming a consistent theme. Along with the rest of the world I’m hoping this will begin to decay with time and vaccination rates. I’ll spend the next few months brainstorming a more interesting blog topic for the next edition. Till then, I’m looking forward to re-learning face to face conversations.
Go doggies.
